This post was first published on mycity4kids.com
https://www.mycity4kid
s.com/parenting/emotions-and-relations/article/board-results
Board results are out today! Each time board result it is out, it churns lot of emotions all around. Some mothers can’t stop happy tears because their children have done extremely well and some mothers can’t stop worrying because their children have not lived up to expectations. While these results are purely related to the hard-work and efforts of children and parents (and of course teachers too) we often turn them into status symbols. Parents don’t think twice before saying “Tumne to humari naak kata di” to the child who has not fared well, let alone failing the exam.
Knowingly or unknowingly we put a lot of pressure on children by constantly comparing them to neighbour’s kids, cousins, friends, peers – just everybody. We often tell them that these guys are doing a lot better but we fail to gauge the kind of pressure that the child feels.
Today academics are very important but it doesn’t make board results a matter of life and death. Often a great hype is made out of board results. We ourselves do that and it percolates in to the young minds as well. So much so that the pressure that it brings along kills children. No sooner the results are out at least couple of suicide incidents are reported. Help your child to stay away from that hype. And nobody apart from parents can do that.
As if the hype created by demanding parents is not enough, relatives and well wishers too try their hand at this! Ever since early times, board results have always been an “Occassion” more than an event. Earlier all relatives would drop in to congratulate and shower gifts. Now personal visits are replaced by phone calls and Whats App messages but ideology remains the same. Its good to be connected! However, what is bad is the unsolicited advise and mean comments that come with these wishes. Something like “Better luck next time” or “Thodi aur mehnat karni chaihye thi” or “How come you scored so less?” or “We were expecting you to score better” remarks always breaks down the child and taints the pride of the parents!
If anyone around you has not scored good marks, just let that child be. He already knows he has not met the expectations. If your own child doesn’t fare well, don’t scold him. Don’t nag him. Rather, tell him that everything is going to be fine. Tell him that this not the end of life. Tell him that this is going to teach him to accept failure and it is going to prepare him for a bigger exam called life. Tell him you love him unconditionally, no matter what. Tell him that you are proud of him for many other reasons and result of one exam is not going to change that feeling. Teach him that taking efforts is in our control, out come is not! Teach him to introspect self to identify if he himself feels he could have done something in a different or better manner to get good result.
Understand where his inclination is. These days one can make great career in fields apart from academics. Prepare your child accordingly. Don’t push him because neighbor’s children and peers are doing it. Let him pursue what he wants. This increases the probability of better results.
Scolding the child or sulking over poor result damages the child’s confidence and mind. That in fact, puts more pressure on him. While dealing with a poor performance with love and care makes the child feel secured. Some may say that strict punishments only drive the point. Well, not always. It may work in case of discipline but it will not work where the child’s emotions and confidence is involved.
Parents are the biggest support to children and they have no one else to look upto in difficult situations. Do not shoo them away. Love them no less.
One exam will not make or break your child. A poor result is only a temporary damage. Life will take even more difficult exams. Prepare your child for that. Do not uproot his confidence because of temporary failure, give him wings instead to fly high and achieve great heights.
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A Bit of Wisdom & A Bit of Play! 
Good post Aditi, a much needed one at the moment. Parents do really care about the child’s future so much that it becomes an obsession for them. Their intention isn’t their fault but the methods they use is at fault. But the results would be much better if they encouraged their children instead of degrading them.
The impact parents can have on their children is immense and it can’t be ignored, whether positive or negative.